Truth, Dare & Many Affairs: A Harry Potter Parody
by DracoIsOurSexBomb
Summary: The next gen has fun at Hogwarts, running around playing truth or dare. They know the teachers can't find out because they do this during a quidditch match between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff! Loads of fun, laughs, insane dares and of course, RoseScorpius!
1. Chapter 1

Truth, Dare and many Affairs; A Harry Potter Parody

Summary: The next gen at Hogwarts, has fun, running around the school playing truth or Dare. They know the teachers can't find out, because they do this during a quidditch match between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff.

----

**A/N**: We sadly do not own HP but we own all the insane characters, spells or whatever which we made up. We also do not own Potter Puppet Pals or Hannah Montana. Co-written with my friend DietCokeAnnika (check out her homepage and read 'The Insane Fam Tree', another fanfic we wrote together when we were hyper) and our wonderful friend Airashi. Please do not take offence to anything here (if you're a Hannah Montana fan) we are simply very high on…sugar…

It was a beautiful, warm day at Hogwarts. The sun was shining and the sky was a bright blue; perfect conditions for a Quidditch Match.

"I don't know about you, but I really can't be bothered to go watch Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff", said Albus.

"I know, who gives a shit about them, everyone knows only TWO houses exist around here. I mean, take the HP movies for example, they never bother about Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff", replied Fred.

"HEY, HUFFLEPUFF IS AWSOMEEE", Lily cut in.

"Psshh, it's only because that Edward Cullen guy, the shiny vampire or whatever was there." Rose rolled her eyes. "You need to stop reading muggle novels, I mean, we all know Jacob pwnes Edward, I mean, he's hot; literally".

"CAN YOU GUYS STOP TALKING ABOUT MOONLIGHT OR WHATEVER THE DAMN STORY IS ABOUT!", an obscenely loud voice interrupted.

"SHUT UP HUGO OR IM TELLING MOM ABOUT THE TIME YOU--"

"Ok ok, fine I wont bother you guys sheesh." Hugo replied, clearly pissed that his sister could blackmail him.

Everyone slumped down in boredom, and turned when two little first years walked into the common room. Obviously, they were having some fun.

Fred took out an extendable ear 5000.

"It was so much fun, playing truth or dare yesterday. Wish we could play it again." Unknown First year number 1 giggled.

Fred lowered his ear, and smirked at the rest of the group.

"I guess we have our answer now."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Okay, so here's the plan. Fred and I will go hex the snitch so it won't be caught until five hours later. That'll give us plenty of time. Rose, you and Lily go to the slytherins and somehow convince them to play with us", Albus instructed.

"What? Why should we play with the slytherins?" Lily spoke out the thought that was on everyone's minds.

"Come on, we're Gryffindors after all, where's our sense of fun huh? It'll be fun, besides, the more the merrier right? And I would pay to see Malfoy's face when we humiliate him somehow", grinned James mischievously.

"Ok fine, lets go, Rosie"

Rose and Lily made their way across the castle to the dungeons. They stood stupidly outside a portrait of a serpent.

"How are we gonna get in", asked Lily.

"Um no idea lets just guess" replied Rose.

"Pureblood", Lily shouted

Nothing happened.

"Umm... Snake Power…"

Nothing happened.

"Slytherins Rule"

Nothing happened.

"Son of a banshee"

Nothing happened

"Cauldron Bum"

Nothing Happened

"Dobby's Sock"

Nothing Happened.

"Sexy Snape"

Nothing Happened.

"Hagrids Butt crack"

Once again, NOTHING HAPPENED"

"OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE, MILEY CYRUS IS HANNAH MONTANA!" Lily yelled out in annoyance.

The portrait opened.

"No way", Rose said, "Miley Cyrus IS Hannah Montana? I always thought it was Jackson!"

The girls made their way into an extremely green room. It looked just like the Gryffindor common room, except EVERYTHING was green…even the fire was green.

"Isn't Slytherin supposed to be Green AND Silver, where is the SILVER", Rose soliloquized.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here", a cold voice sneered.

"Uh, truth um darbfdjknga" was all that came out.

"Dawggg, leave the chicks alone." That was Lizzar Goyle (A boy who looked as much like a lizard as his name suggested.)

"Man, Liz, you've been watching your mom's American Gangsta movies again haven't you?" said the blonde boy who had spoken earlier.

"Um… would you believe me if I said no?" he said, in a poor imitation of the American accent.

Rose coughed loudly.

"Oh yeah, _why _are you here", the blonde said, his sneer back in place.

With a sudden burst of bravery, Lily finally told them that they had come to ask if they wanted to play truth or dare.

A very heated argument followed.

"…BUT THEY'RE GRYFFINDORS"

"Would you rather watch _Hufflepuff _and _Ravenclaw_?"

"True, if I see Johnny Stout's fat arse hanging off his broom one more time, I'm gonna _puke_"

After a fairly long amount of time, the Slytherins came to a conclusion and agreed to join the Gryffindors in their little gig.

Rose and Lily brought the five slytherins (Scorpius Malfoy, Lizzar Goyle, Bambini Zabini, Marco (say this in an Italian accent) Zabini, Scarlett Nott and Elladora Flint) to the 7th floor corridor where James had asked them to meet.

A large group of red headed kids were standing there, waiting for them.

A dark haired boy from Slytherin walked up and down and a neon pink door twisted its way out of the wall. The crowd of students walked in and found themselves in a 1970s disco club.

Everyone turned to the boy (Bambini), with their eyebrows raised (except Albus; he could not do it)

"What, I wanted a place to PAR-TAY", he said, in an unnaturally high voice.

"Umm, sorry to break it to you buddy, but I'm outta here." Malfoy sighed, rolling his eyes. A series of agreements passed through room.

This time, Scorpius walked up and down the corridor, and a large, shiny mahogany door appeared. The students walked into a surprisingly comfortable and not-green room.

The walls were a warm woody colour. Several beanbags and cushions were scattered across the room in front of a blazing fireplace.

-Now, let us pause and introduce the people in the room for the comfort of the reader.-

Rose Weasley

Albus Potter

Lily Potter

James Potter

Hugo Weasley

Dominique Weasley

Louis Weasley

Fred (the second) Weasley

Cecelia Longbottom (Neville's Daughter)

Phoebe Thomas (I don't think we need to explain who's daughter)

Laura Wood (Half Veela…yes, Oliver got lucky.)

Aurora Finnegan

-And now for the Slytherins-

Scorpius Malfoy

Lizzar Goyle

Bambini Zabini

Marco (say this in an Italian accent) Zabini

Elladora Flint

Scarlett Nott

So, the students sat in a (huge) circle, eager (not in Malfoy's case) to begin the game.

"Wait, before we begin, we need to make sure people actually tell the truth.", Louis spoke up.

"That's why we have, drum roll please," Fred said, "This little thingy"

"Is that veritaserum?" Rose gaped.

"Yep, nicked it from Slughorn's _personal _stash while he was busy ogling Johnny Stout", Fred chuckled.

He passed the bottle around as everyone took a sip.

"Ugh, I am NOT sipping out of this bottle, it'll contaminate my mouth", Malfoy pulled a face.

"Oh for goodness sake", Rose shoved it rather roughly into his mouth.

"Oi", Malfoy cried out in rage, "What the bloody hell was that for?"

"NOW, that we're finally done, lets begin" Fred took out his wand and spun it.

It landed on Rose.

"Ahhhaaa", Fred grinned maniacally, "It's Rosie Posie, Truth or Dare"

"I told you not to call me that and truth"

"Aww, where's your Gryffindor courage. But anyway, since you've said it, if you could kiss anyone in this room, who would it be?"

"Ooooh, pick me, pick me", James said in a girly voice

"Um, Bam-Bam-Bambi-Scorpius", she blurted before immediately covering her mouth in shock. She was about to say Bambini…what happened? She couldn't believe what had just came out of her mouth. Fearfully, she looked up to see eighteen pairs of really shocked eyes staring at her.

"What?" She said, feigning innocence. She risked a glance at Scorpius to see his perfect mouth curved into a small frown. He looked… thoughtful? No, this couldn't be right.

Rose picked up the wand about to spin it when a strongly accented voice interrupted.

"Weasley, you can spin my wand any time." It was Marco (say this in an Italian accent) Zabini. That's Marco for you.

"Shut up Zabini and let her spin the damn thing." This time it was Scorpius.

Rose thought he sounded jealous but she quickly shrugged off the thought. He was probably pissed as usual.

Surprise, Surprise, It landed on Scorpius.

"Truth or Dare", Rose asked.

"Dare", he sneered, "Hit me with your best shot, Weaselette."

"Go into Tedd- I mean, Professor Lupin's room and steal the answers to last night's assignment"

"What, why last night", someone (she couldn't bother to see who) said, "Why not the answers to next week's quiz so we can cheat?"

"No way, I need to make sure I got question 34 right!"

"Ugh, always knew you were a nerd Weasley but I'll do it anyway."

"Someone needs to go with him to make sure he gets the right answer sheet", James said, looking across the room, "Rose, you go"

"What? Why me?"

"Because you want to kiss him you dolt"

"I never s--", but James pushed them out of the room before she could complete her sentence.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

"We've walked down this corridor for the twentieth time, Do you even know where the teachers quarters are Malfoy?" Rose sneered.

"First of all, you can't sneer so don't try it, Second off all you set the dare, I thought you would know where it is"

They were cut short by a loud moan coming from the left.

"Why does that sound suspiciously like my cousin Victoire?" Rose thought out loud.

The pair followed the sounds till they reached a door. They wrenched it only to see two people wearing olive costumes dancing to 'The Climb' by Miley Cyrus….ok fine, I was kidding, they wrenched it open only to see Rose's cousin Victoire…and their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Mr Lupin aka Teddy _snogging_ on Teddy's bed.

Rose held in a large gasp as she surveyed the room. It looked pretty much like a normal bedroom except for the floor, which was littered with several bottles of Firewhiskey and carrot juice.

Scorpius grabbed Rose's arm and pulled her out of the room, slamming the door. They slid down the door in typical chick flick movie fashion because they just felt like it.

"So, your cousin and Lupin, eh?" he said, his voice surprisingly calm.

"I suppose..."she mumbled, "Lets get out of here before the scene gets burned into my memory for ever!"

They both shuddered.

"Yeah, screw the answers."

They ran as fast as they could (still holding hands although they were both oblivious to this) to the Room of Requirement.

As soon as they entered, James smirked, "So that's what you've been doing!"

"What?" They exclaimed in unison.

"Um, you're both holding hands and gasping for breath", Hugo replied in a small voice.

They immediately let go, wearing the same expression of disgust, rubbing their hands on their clothes.

"It was Malfoy"

"It was the Weaselette"

"Um, yeah, you guys keep telling yourselves that", James chuckled, obviously not believing a word.

"So, where is the answer sheet anyway"

Rose proceeded to explain in great exaggerated detail what they found in Prof…no screw that…Teddy's room.

"So in other words, you both were in some broom closet snogging and made up a pathetic cover story", James snickered.

"Fine, believe what you want to." Scorpius picked up the wand and spun it. He smirked when it landed on _James_.

"Dare", said James before Scorpius could ask the question.

"Fine, I dare you to walk into the same room we came out…"

"What, the broom closet?" James cut in.

"No, _Professor _Lupin's room. I want you to bring back your cousins knickers, if you're wondering where they are, check on the rug."

James walked out of the room, sighing in exasperation.

He walked in twenty minutes later his face deathly pale.

Scorpius smirked at his expression.

"What?" Albus said gesturing at Scorpius and Rose, "They weren't actually telling the truth were they?"

James held up a lacy red thong. "No way", everyone said.

He threw it to the corner and spun the wand. It landed on Marco (Italian accent please)

"Truth", he said, being the chicken he is.

"CHICKEN!", James said, voicing everyone's thoughts.

"But anyway, what is the best physical attribute of every female in this room", James continued, "And remember, you're on Veritaserum"

"Ok, Ella's Hair, Scarlett's eyes (which were a beautiful shade of violet), Lets see…Weasley's…"

"Which Weasley", James asked, smirked

"Fine, _Dominique's _legs, Potter's freckles…"

"You like her FRECKLES?!" his brother Bambini said in distaste.

"Hey, that's my sister you're talking about", Albus shouted.

"Can you guys stop interrupting me? Gosh… ok, so Longbottom's…umm…umm…umm.."

"It's ok bro, we get it", Bambini interrupted yet again.

"So, Wood's…everything… (here he paused and blushed) and Rose's…figure…"

Scorpius glared at him for some 'unknown' reason.

"What? it's the veritaserum", Marco (-insert Italian accent here-) said to everyone.

He spun the wand and it landed on Albus.

"I dare you-"

"But I didn't even say truth or dare yet", Albus interjected.

"…Too bad! Well I dare you to go into Professor Longbottom's Room and steal a pair of his boxers."

"Eww, he's my father", Cecelia said.

"That's why we're not making _you_ do it", Scorpius said, his usual sneer back…again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

It had been an hour and Albus still hadn't returned. The group was beginning to get worried when he burst in.

"I found these..umm…stuff inside Longbottom's drawers. They're.." Albus began by reading off the label.

"1% Polyethylene, 3% plastic, 5% pig skin, and 20% Hannah Montana's latest outfit (this continues for a very long time.)…"

"Okay Albus, we get your point. Those are condoms." James said knowingly.

Cecelia gasped. "So that's what mum does when she comes to visits every week"

"So…why do they need condoms, they're married?" Scorpius said, snatching the box as Rose wacked him on the head.

"Mimbulus Mimbletonia Flavored…ahhh, so that's why."

Cecelia's face had gone from pale to stony white. "I did _not_ need to know that."

Albus spun the wand, which landed on Rose _again_

"Truth or Dare?" he asked.

Rose felt eighteen pairs of eyes on her again. Feeling adventurous, she picked… _Dare_. She knew truth would be something to do with Scorpius.

"I dare you…" Albus said with an evil smile, "….to sit on Malfoy's lap for the whole rest of the game."

Rose was horrified. "B-b-but you're my cousin, you h-hate him how can you do this"

Albus smirked in reply. Who knew he had the evil streak? Well it was probably the Severus Snape in him. Severus wasn't his middle name for nothing!

"Lets just get this over Weasley" Scorpius pulled her into his lap and Rose blushed.

"Awww", Lily cooed as Rose sent her a death glare. If looks could kill, let's just say Lily would have just died an excruciatingly painful death right then and there.

She felt Scorpius's warm breath on her ear. "Jinx the wand so it lands on Albus"

She muttered the spell under her breath and spun the wand again. It landed on… sarcastic drum roll… ALBUS!!!

Rose grinned evilly. "Truth or _Dare_"

Albus obviously didn't have a choice in this matter because his mouth spoke out of its own accord and said 'Dare'

"I dare you", she said, "To push this sickle (she took out a sickle from her pocket) around a toilet seat in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom…with your _tongue. _James, you go with him to make sure."

"You know, you could have just asked him to undo the dare he gave you", Scorpius said as they left the room.

"What? You don't want her to sit on you lap?" Fred said (a/n: OMG that rhymes) jokingly.

"I um...d-d-do", He replied, shocked at what just came out of his mouth.

Damn, this veritaserum thing was getting a _bit_ overboard.

----

A/N: Sooo, what did you guys think…we've been reading loads of parodies lately and thought, why not write a humour fanfic with a bit of Rose/Scorpius (we couldn't resist) thrown in.

Reviews please? :)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey guys, it's pretty late at night right now as im typing this up. (must be quiet or else my mom is gonna kill me as school's starting tomorrow morning eek)…anyway, im just gonna get it on document manager right now and upload it later in the morning as theres no time. Thank you all SO MUCH for the reviews. They meant the world to us and we are so glad that you guys liked it! :D

Chapter 2

After a while, Albus and James returned. (Albus's face was green and he looked like he would puke any second.)

So, the time had come to spin Fred's wand again (no, we are talking about his MAGIC wand, NOT his _other_ wand and yes, we are going to skip the scene where Scorpius admitted he liked Rose sitting on his lap because we don't want to get too cheesy. This is a parody, not a cheesy romance.)

Albus spun the wand and it landed on—

We were not able to find out because just then, the door opened and two extremely beautiful girls (us) walked in. They had beautiful shiny black hair and glowing skin. (better than Hermione and Ginny's because it was not just a contributing factor). All the boys were in a trance (except Scorpius because he was staring down Rose's shirt.)

The two girls smirked and sat down beside Marco (say this in an Italian accent). "We're new", was all they said.

The wand now stopped spinning and landed on one of the two girls.

"T-t-truth or d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d (this goes on for ten more minutes)-d-dare?" Albus stuttered nervously.

"Truth", the girl smiled. As she smiled several people (Fred, Lizzar and Scorpius) fainted.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" screamed Rose, "One second the idiot likes me and the next he's _fainting _over a stupid Mary Sue?!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MARY SUE?" the girl piped up, her eyes glaring. With one swift moment, she turned into a bee (but a very pretty bee, it was hot pink and black striped) and stung Rose's nose.

Within two seconds, her nose started to bloat up. But it did not stop.

The hot pink bee flew out of the room and did not come back.

Everybody turned to stare at the other girl.

Meanwhile, Rose's rapidly bloating nose finally stopped bloating. It was twice the size of her body.

"I am so sorry", the girl said, "My friend Annika has anger management issues". She flicked her hand and Rose's nose was back to its original state.

"Wow, you can do wandless magic?" Albus said in awe.

"Yep", the girl smiled (this time Albus fainted…on Scorpius)

Without bothering to answer _why_ she could perform wandless magic, the girl flicked her hand again and transformed into a beautiful neon-pink fairy and flew out of the room just like her friend.

"Wow.", said Marco (say this in an Italian accent) speechless.

"WHO THE BLOODY HELL WERE THEY", Lily spoke up for the first time…in this chapter.

"Who cares who they were they were bloody gorgeous", Scorpius said, regaining consciousness.

"WHAT?!" Rose screamed, her hair resembling her mother's.

"Just because I enjoy having you on my lap doesn't mean I like you", Scorpius replied coolly.

"Oooh, BURN", Lily smirked.

"Shut up byotch", Rose shouted.

"Haha, Bee-otch, geddit? Geddit? Like the girl who turned into a bee, she's a _bee_otch!" Lily giggled.

Rose rolled her eyes but left the matter.

Soon everyone woke up and the game continued. Albus spun the wand (get your head out of the gutter) again.

It landed on Bambini.

"Truth or Dare", Albus asked

"Truth!" Bambini said (because he was a chicken)

"Who's you celebrity crush? Magic and Muggle", Albus smirked (why the f- is everyone smirking?)

"H-H-Harry Potter", Bambini said in a small voice.

Everybody stared at him, shock apparent on their faces. "YOU HAVE A FREAKIN CRUSH ON MY DAD?!" James screamed. (Once again, why the f- is everyone screaming?)

"I thought you liked Celestina Warbeck" Scorpius was surprised, "Isn't that what you told me last year?"

Ignoring their comments Bambini continued, "And Robert Pattinson."

"WHY DOES EVERYBODY LIKE THE VAMPIRE GUY?!" Hugo yelled out, clutching his hair in frustration.

"Face it man, he's hot" (this was obviously Lily.)

An awkward silence followed.

"So, um, you're gay?" Marco (Italiano) said in disbelief.

"Yeah", Bambini scratched his neck, afraid of what his brother would do.

"No wonder you never had a girlfriend!" Marco said, "I'm alright with it by the way."

Bambini smiled (aww) and spun the wand.

It landed on James.

"Dare", James said, straight away.

"I dare you to wear your underwear outside your clothes", Bambini grinned.

"Dawggg, that dare in only fun when you do it on girls!", Lizzar hissed (or whatever sound a lizard makes)

"Um hello? Gay remember? AND I have a crush on James's dad?" Bamini replied.

"I can't do the dare." James said.

"Why?"

"Because…Because, I'm not wearing any underwear."

Everyone gaped. "TOO MUCH INFO", Rose spat out in disgust.

"I am so telling mom!" Lily smiled evilly.

"You wouldn't."

"I so would."

"I'll pay you 50 galleons and get you an autographed poster of Robert Pattinson!"

"Deal!" Lily yelled out in glee.

"Um, can I have a poster too? Since you didn't do the dare?" Bambini asked.

"Yeah, yeah, sure", James shrugged off.

He spun the wand which landed on Scorpius.

"Dare", Scorpius said.

"Oh dear, you shouldn't have…" Lily said in a sing song voice (no, not one like Luna's.)

"Scorpius, you're going to go to Rose's dorm, and search her clothes drawers and pick out what you would like to see her wear most. Once you're done, come back and I'll tell you the rest of the dare". He winked at Rose. The evil glint in his eye was beginning to creep everyone out.

After a while, Scorpius returned with an **extremely** short red dress.

"Oh! Rose, remember that? I bought it for you!" Laura giggled.

James smirked, "Now, _you_ have to wear that dress for the rest of the game."

"What?" Scorpius asked in disbelief, "I thought _she_ was gonna wear it?"

"Exactly, I tricked ya!" James laughed.

Scorpius went into the changing room (which had magically appeared in the room they were in) and changed into Rose's dress. And boy was it short. You could see Scorpius's green silk boxers hanging down from underneath.

"Can't b-breathe", Scorpius choked out in agony.

Rose snickered, covering her lips to stop an enormous laugh.

Scorpius reluctantly spun the wand and it landed on Bambini. Scorpius smirked and Bambini shuddered. Everyone knew Scorpius was out to get revenge.

"Truth", Bambini said, being the chicken he was.

Scorpius looked so evil, his stare could kill Voldemort.

"Have you ever fantasized about anyone in this room?"

Bambini gulped.

He gave a loud cough which sounded suspiciously like 'James'.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that", Scorpius said sweetly.

"J-James."

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!" James buried his face into his beanbag as the rest of the room shook with laughter.

"I'm taking a break." James stormed out of the room, slamming the door in the process.

"I'll get him." Albus ran out after his brother.

"No! no, it's ok I'll go" Bambini stopped Albus.

"Well…now what?", Rose asked, trying to ignore Scorpius beside her.

"Now you kiss him!" Albus said.

"What the hell? No!" she smacked Albus's head…well, she wanted to but was cut off by Scorpius's lips crashing against hers. Several light years later they pulled apart and smiled cheesily, never mind that Scorpius was currently in Rose's tight dress.

"Well, about time!" James whooped. He was back… and so was Bambini and they were…holding hands? No way!

"Come on lets go, the match is over" Bambini and James exchanged a look smiling.

"Someone please pass me the puke bucket", it was Rose.

"Yeah, like you and Scorpius were any better", Lily shot back.

"Let's go Rose", Scorpius whispered into her ear.

They followed the James and Bambini and the rest of the group followed after them.

"Where were you kids at the match?" A stern voice that sounded suspiciously like Professor McGonagall's hovered in the air.

Damn. They were caught.

Well, at least something good had come from the Truth or Dare session.

"Mr Malfoy, why on earth are you in a Dress?"

-End-

A/N: There it is, done

Aww

If you guys were wondering this was originally planned to be a twoshot. Who knows, maybe we might write a sequel one day. But for now, I guess this is it :)

Please review :D


End file.
